The Edinburgh Fringe Laughter Files #005: Daphne

Written by Andy Ritchie / July 29, 2016

Separately, they are Phil Wang, Jason Forbes and George Fouracres. Together, they are Daphne, one of the UK's finest sketch comedy groups. 

This year at Edinburgh Festival Fringe, Daphne will be putting in a month-long stint at Beneath the Pleasance Courtyard and we URGE you to go along. Get to know 'em a little bit first, though in the latest of our Edinburgh Fringe Laughter Files!

NAME: Daphne
FROM: Montego Bay / Kota Kinabalu / Wednesfield
NAME OF SHOW: Daphne’s Second Show
TIME / LOCATION: Beneath, Pleasance Courtyard, 5.45pm, 3rd-28th August (not 15th)

Our biggest achievement in life so far is… "Getting someone to ask one of our mums which one is their son on the poster." 

Our biggest regret is… "The sheer amount of pizza and fried chicken we ate while preparing this show."

Our biggest fear is… "Spiders / things with holes in them / immigration officials."

We first got into comedy because… "Our efforts to become the first tri-racial human pyramid were thwarted by the departure of our 60 other white guys, black guys and Chinese guys.

Our best character qualities are… "All being the same."

Our top three favourite comics of all time are… "Clacko, Barrington and Pi, the original Black Country-Jamaican-Chinese comedy masters. Terry Clackford, Barrington Chambers III and Zhao Pi toured the world with their famous ‘Where The Devil Are You From?’ routine throughout the 50s, 60s, and well into the 70s. Music halls from Northampton to Minsk roared at Clacko’s outrageous one-liners, rocked to the tune of Barrington’s hit ‘Come Out The Way You Raasclaat’, and maintained respectful silences for each of Pi’s awe-inspiring and elaborate tea ceremonies. It’s a great shame they fell from grace when it was later discovered that they were all, in fact, Mexican. Nevertheless, their legacy lives on."

To prepare for Edinburgh Fringe Festival, we will mostly be… "Eating fried chicken every day, stripping our flats bare of all decoration and getting up every day at 2pm. Like method acting, but method living." 

If we were superheroes, our super powers would be… "Be all the same race so we could trick people into thinking we were sisters. Horrible, lumpy sisters."

The most valuable bit of life advice we can offer is… "When you’re in Macdonalds, and you have to get your own sauce, DON’T just mindlessly squirt the sauce into that little paper cup. Open the cup out, like a flower. You’ll fit way more sauce in, and you’ll be able to dip your burger."

The song we want played at our funeral is… ‘Look Out, Mr Milkman!’. It's a classic Cockney tune from 1894 about an unfortunate milk man, plagued by the apparition of something that looks like a cat, that moves like a snake, with the face of a crab, that screams like a baby. It shall befit the solemnity of the occasion, given our somehow simultaneous death and interment."

The last time we laughed uncontrollably was…  "When Phil face-planted the stage in the village of Framlingham while doing ‘enraged’ acting. It served to increase his rage, which only made him all the more hysterical, as he floundered uselessly on the ground, bereft of all dignity."

Happiness is… "Jason, eating. He’s happy because he’s eating, and we’re happy because he’s stopped punching us and biting the walls and screaming because he hasn’t eaten yet."

You probably wouldn’t believe this about us but… "We are all SISTERS!...did it work? Gah."

The worst hangover we've ever had was… "When we all drank from the pool of eternal youth that one time during an expedition to central Africa. Turned out it was just a pool of neat moonshine. We thought we were giddy with power and vigour, but it was the ethanol."

Tell us a secret that nobody knows about you. "We are all SISTERS! WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO WE’RE NOT?! GAH."

Tell us about a time you died on stage. The worst story you’ve got. Go on! 

"Well gosh, OK! There was this time where Phil staggered on stage with an arrow through his head! We all corpsed at the improvised goofy prop, but it swiftly transpired that it was no trick. One of Phil’s ancient enemies, Huang Gai of the Kingdom of Shu, had fired his bow at Phil while he was waiting to come on for the ‘Whose Prime Minister Is This?’ sketch, and the arrow had gone clean through his brain. The corpsing quickly turned to an actual corpse, as Phil slumped to the floor, dead. Fortunately, there was a necromancer in the audience, so we were able to reanimate Phil using only one of his hairs, the fresh heart of a lamb and George’s soul. It was a messy business, and we had to refund at least three disgruntled audience members, but at least we got the third member of our group back."

Finally: who are your picks for Edinburgh Fringe this year? Who are you absolutely not going to miss?

"Emma Sidi, Jon Pointing and The Fizzogs."

Daphne's Second Show will take place at Beneath in the Pleasance Courtyard, every day throughout August at 5.45pm. Do NOT miss 'em! 

To book tickets to see Daphne at #EdFringe, or any of our other brilliantly funny acts, click on that big red button below!

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